Chronically Tired

Understanding the word ‘tired’

There are many different kinds of “tired”. “I stayed up all night studying”, “I cooked all day”, “I had basketball practice”, “I’m a mom”, and the list goes on. Chronic illness tired is a different kind of tired. Hopefully this will help people understand that difference. Let’s begin by pretending you have a chronic illness. 

You start your day with 10 energy sticks. Plenty to spend throughout the day with ease and minor frustrations. How would you do if you started with five energy sticks? Five sticks for the entire day. The question you must answer is, how will you not run out and, what will you do when you do run out? Let’s start the day! (She said sarcastically because starting the day is the hardest part)

If you have one energy stick to spend, your options are:

1. Get out of bed

2. Brush teeth

3. Texting

4. Take medications

5. Watch tv

If you have two energy sticks to spend, your options are: 

1. Shower

2. Get dressed

3. Read

4. Stretching

5. Eating

6. Wash dishes

You get the idea. 

Typically, I start my day by deciding what I need to get done and what I can skip. I know I need to get out of bed. That’s one energy stick. I have to take my medications so I can function, brush my teeth, and eat. That’s three energy sticks. Current total: four energy sticks. I’m not going to waste any energy on getting dressed until I actually need to leave the house. So pajamas it is. Congrats to me for saving two energy sticks!  I have one more energy stick for the rest of the day. But, I need to work and working will cost me four energy sticks. The math is simple. I don’t have enough. The solution, push though the pain and pretend your body doesn’t feel like its burning from the inside out. 

After I’ve spent my five energy sticks, each energy stick spent after that, is like an energy stick stolen. I think we can all agree that stealing is bad. People who steal, should face the consequences of their actions right? For me, with each energy stick stolen, my consequence is more pain. Every time I “steal energy” or “push through”, my consequence for doing so is taking on more pain. 

A phrase that people with chronic illness use a lot is, “pushing through”. After using all my energy sticks, I’ll just have to push through the pain so I can get stuff done and live my life. And while “pushing through” is part of being chronically ill, it can be dangerous. 

The way you treat most fibromyalgia patents, is consistent rest, which is the complete opposite of “pushing through”. Unhealthy pushing through causes more damage to my body. Sometimes, I become consumed with comparing how much energy I have and how much energy others have. I think, “How are they still going? I should be able to more.” I forget that most people start their day with way more energy than I do. I find myself being critical of who I am, that I should be able to push through more, do more, be more.  All of this internal turmoil brings on a panic attack. Dizziness, chills, wheezing, tremors, and my favorite, cold sweats. Now, I am sick on top of sick, fighting a panic attack. 

You could also look at “pushing through” like a backup generator. It doesn’t run consistently, but if you plug it in, hit it with a hammer on the side, it may run for five minutes. You can’t rely on it, but it’s there. 

Four energy sticks, a broken generator, fighting a panic attack, still in my pajamas, and I  haven’t started working yet. 

Living is really painful and I try to only “push through” in a healthy way. But, there are things in life that I’m willing to face “consequences” for. Like, making a Target run with my sister. I’ll face the “consequences” so I can go to church and eat out with friends.

Below are a few graphics for those visual learners out there. I hope this helps.