Chronically In Isolation

Chronically In Isolation

Having a chronic illness during the COVID 19 outbreak

Everything is strange now. Homeschooling is becoming cool, people are calling each other rather than texting, and I’m learning how to bake (something I’ve always hated and have never been good at). I am grateful to all the doctors, pharmacies, nurses, and others who are risking their health and the health of their loved ones to take care of those who are struggling. “Thank you” just doesn’t sound like enough. 

I can’t help but see the similarities between my life with chronic illness, and the new lifestyle the world is now adapting to because of social distancing and quarantine. While fighting a chronic illness, I have always practiced a form of social distancing. A simple cold that most people can recover from within roughly two weeks, would take me (someone with a compromised immune system) a month or longer to fully recover from.  I’m blessed to work from home, and so  not very much has changed for me. Actually, I feel oddly relieved, and then I feel guilty for feeling relieved.  Seeing people wipe down shopping carts, covering their mouths when coughing, and keep a safe distance from others is great.  I’m in the high risk category and I’m really enjoying people not invading my personal space.

My feeling of relief is simply due to I no longer feel the constant pressure to keep up with healthy people. Because of my chronic pain and migraines, I’m constantly thinking about when I can rest, if I should rest, and for how long.  I’m always careful of bright lights, loud sounds, and skipping meals - all of which can trigger a migraine or flare episode.  I’m also always thinking ahead.  Estimating how long my medication will last so I can fold laundry before needing to rest on the couch. And, yes, for someone who has chronic pain, the most simple task can steal valuable energy and it’s incredibly frustrating. 

I also no longer feel behind in life because the world, collectively, is practicing social distancing and being quarantined. I no longer feel overwhelmed by grief of all the life events I’m missing, too. I feel relief because even on “good health days” I am constantly using my energy to fight against my pain, I am constantly pushing through and trying not to outwardly show my pain. 

Before you lecture me, I fully intend to make a beautiful life for myself no matter what it takes. But having a chronic illness is just the reality that I deal with. Often times, my pain keeps me home, in bed, canceling plans, and missing fun things. So while everyone is panicked, tired of being home and canceling plans, this has been my life for years. Maybe people will understand me a little more now. The world collectively is feeling the enormous weight of “missing out” and loneliness. 

For those who are healthy, and able to return to a new kind of “normal”, my isolation and loneliness will continue, along with the thousands of other people fighting to build their lives with a chronic illness.